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The Great Man Within

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Break These 5 BS Rules of "Being a Man"

Dec 9, 2019

#52: Whether you know it or not, you were raised to live in a “Man Box.”

“The Man Box” is a term developed in the 1980’s by a group of men called the Oakland Men’s Project in order to define the series of qualities men are instructed to embody in order to “be a man”:

  • Do not cry or openly express emotions
  • Do not express weakness or fear
  • Demonstrate power and control
  • Do not be like a woman
  • Do not be like a gay man (be heterosexual)
  • Make decisions on your own (do not ask for help)
  • Be a protector
  • Be aggressive and dominant
  • View women as property/objects

The 5 “Man Box” Rules of Masculinity

The contents of the Man Box can be broken down into 5 categories:

  1. Success: You must win, beat others, be right, don’t ask for help.
  2. Emotions: Emotions are a liability.
    Belonging: Unless you are extraordinary, you must “fit in” to be accepted.
  3. Sexuality: You must be heterosexual, sexually accomplished, and never experience performance issues.
  4. Women: You must protect, be in control of and dominant over women.

So long as you follow these rules, you will experience a sense of belonging and be looked to as “a man.”

These archaic rules are not only toxic to society, they’ve trapped you into a way of living that isn’t your own…

…instead, you’ve drifted into this cage unwittingly.

You need to break these 5 rules of “Man Box Masculinity” and re-define your own rules.

The Impact of Living in The Man Box

Here are a few ways of knowing you’ve been socialized into The Man Box:

  • You’re feeling uninspired by the life you’ve created
  • You regularly find yourself emotionally exhausted having to act/behave a certain way
  • You feel restless and trapped by your life
  • You find yourself unable to confide fully in others
  • You have secretive parts of your life that you’d be afraid for other to know or see
  • You are unable to communicate 100% of your desires to your romantic partner, friends or business colleagues


In this episode:

  • Defining “The Man Box” and its “rules of masculinity”
  • Exposing where you’ve defaulted into The Man Box
    How to break the 5 rules of Man Box masculinity
  • 3 questions to ask yourself about each of these 5 rules
  • A free PDF download to help you re-define your own rules: https://www.doinnerwork.com/5practices