7 Signs of Mature Masculine Power (DQ Solo)

Oct 30, 2020

#177:

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I’ve always had a difficult time explaining what inner work actually is, but in one very real sense:

 

It’s combat training for the most difficult moments of your life.

 

If you’ve been keeping up with me lately, you know my flat white* ass has been getting kicked around these last 6 weeks.

*not to be confused with the delicious flat white espresso drink

 

But amidst all the kicks-to-my-lower-extremities, a funny thing happened:

 

I started noticing I’ve never felt more powerful in my life.

 

How’s that possible?

 

Nearly 8 years ago, I had my world rocked in a similar sense when I bottomed out and entered Sex Addicts Anonymous…

 

…and I felt obliterated.   

 

How could it feel so different this time?

 

After all, in my external world, I’ve been taking quite a few poundings:   

• The book “bok” publishing fiasco
• Porn-gate
• Losing about 70% of my revenue as a result of porn-gate
• Challenges in a meaningful intimate relationship

 

Of course, all of this stuff sucks.  

Loss is never easy, particularly when it’s delivered via the sucker punch.

I’ve felt a lot of pain these last 40+ days.

 

And yet, my inner world has never felt more safe, secure and solid.

 

All that inner work combat training specifically prepared me for moments like these.

 

You see, inner work strips away your reliance on needing to control the outside world – which is super fucking hard, by the way – to refocus on building an inner foundation that can find peace and confidence in nearly any situation.

8 years after my “bottoming out,” I’m experiencing the beautiful contrast of the inner power I feel now vs. the inner chaos I felt then.

 

This new awareness led me to think more deeply about power, and how it is derived.

 

As men, we organize much of our entire lives around things we believe will give us power.

 

But so much of the power we chase hinges on external sources that are fleeting and flimsy (like status, titles or wealth).

 

When your power is predicated on external sources that can change at any time, you never truly feel safe or secure.

 

All it takes is one external variable to change, and it can expose that hole-in-the-Deathstar type vulnerability where it feels like one well-placed shot can annihilate you. 

 

Believe me, I know.

I lived that life.

 

The inner power I feel now is the exact opposite:

 

Hit me with your best shot, sucker.

It’ll only make me stronger.

 

So today, I sat down today and let rip 7 ways in which I used to experience power from an immature, externally-oriented perspective.

 

Then I wrote 7 ways I experience power today.

 

I thought you might find it useful.

 

7 Signs of Immature Masculine Power

1. Derived from external sources such as wealth, titles and social status
2. Relies on comparison to others
3. Needs something or someone to dominate
4. Shrinks – or explodes – in the face of criticism
5. Experiences setbacks as weakness
6. Power that’s unsafe to others
7. Power that’s temporary and always at risk

 

7 Signs of Mature Masculine Power

 

1. Derived from internal resources such as Purpose, trust in self and inner peace
2. Relies on comparison to self
3. Helps others to find their power
4. Expands in the face of criticism
5. Experiences setbacks as training grounds to become stronger
6. Power that elevates others
7. Enduring and forever reliable